Assumptions and Epiphanies

With all the "things" there are to do—packing, getting rid of stuff, arranging shipping—it would be easy to neglect the important things: face time, farewells, people.

It would be easy, but I just can't do it. The important things are... well, they're important; nothing matters as much to me as people.

Because that's true for me, I'm having a hard time (again!) accepting that to some people, I am not among the people who matter. They matter to me; why don't I matter to them?

The problem is my assumptions. I assume that because some people don't talk to me (even when I make the first move!) or don't respond to invitations or don't make time for me, they don't care about me; that I don't matter to them. And that assumption is unjustified.

I absolutely agree that actions speak louder than words. Where I think we (emphatically including me) go wrong is in misunderstanding what actions say. For example, when people don't talk to me or don't respond to invitations or don't make time for me, I've taken that to mean that they don't care about me when what it really means is that they don't talk to me or don't respond to invitations or don't make time for me.

All a person's actions tell me is how people act; it doesn't necessarily say anything about how people feel or what people think.

Am I hurt when people I care about don't talk to me or don't respond to invitations or don't make time for me? I absolutely am. Should I be?

I don't know.

If I'm hurt because I've assumed something that may or may not be so, then no. If I'm hurt because I'm not getting something I want, then maybe.

What I tend to do (and shouldn't do) is judge their hearts by their actions. Actions are all I have to go on, but sometimes actions lie. There's always more to the story than those of us on the outside know.

When I started writing this morning, I thought I was going to write a scathing condemnation of those I love who say they love me, but don't have time for me. Funny how the act of writing has changed my mind.

Bottom line? I shouldn't judge motivations on the basis of actions (or inactions).