"It doesn't take long for even the most outrageous reality to become 'normal.'"
For most of my life, that sentence would have been the lead-in to a rant against complacency; a challenge to reject an outrageous (and unpalatable) "reality" and work to change things. Today, I see it from a different angle.
It's only been a few weeks since I committed to a course of total upheaval. Only a few weeks, and already this outrageous reality—this complete rejection of what I believed to be normal—is becoming my new normal. I look at an enormous stack of clothes I'm getting rid of (one way or another) and it's normal. I look at the piles of things on my carport ready to be sold and that's normal. I arrange to sell my truck and there's nothing strange about it.
I contemplate starting over—making new connections, finding a place for myself, becoming someone new—and that feels normal, too. Not necessarily comfortable, but "normal."
The same tendency that leads many to accept outrageously wrong things as "normal" (the way many ordinary Germans did during World War II) can also lead one to accept just about anything else, no matter how outrageous, as normal. The difference between "Oh my God!" and "Meh, routine" seems to be nothing more complicated than time.
No one likes change. I believe sincerely, with all my heart, that change is often necessary and often good—I believe with all my heart that this change I'm facing is not just "good" but GOOD—yet I have not always embraced this change, even though I chose it. But by sticking to my guns and persisting when tempted to turn back, I've acclimated. Now this change is becoming my new "normal."
About the time I get acclimated, though, it's all going to change again. What's becoming "normal" right now is a transitional state, from one situation to another. And the situation to which I'm transitioning is itself undefined and unstable. I don't expect my situation to normalize for a while.
What I'm getting at is this: I'm going to be constantly off balance for the next little while. I may feel normal—occasionally, for a time—but what feels normal is going to be transient until my life settles down. I'll always be growing accustomed to newness.
So okay. I'm not normal—I've been saying so for years—for a while, my experience is going to match my nature. I think I can learn to live with that.
And really, what other choice do I have?
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